As you’ll all be aware, Big Tech is always listening in to our every conversation, waiting for the perfect time to release their robots who will judge each person based on an algorithm of the data they’ve collected and decide whether to disintegrate them or just microchip and track them.
Fear not brave citizen, for I have the solution. While others have tried drilling holes into their Stadia controller to remove the mic, I feel this is nowhere near far enough. We have to go further to protect our privacy. This 5 step plan will help you keep your precious data from those tech giants like Google.
Step 1 - Get Rid of All Technology
This step is pretty easy. Any kind of technology that has anything that can track you has to go. This can be done in many ways. Personally, I like to light a big bonfire and throw all the cursed technology on it, watching it be consumed by the roaring flames as I imagine the tech giants shaking their fists at my ingenuity. However, if you want to opt for a simpler method, you can simply find your nearest body of water, put it all in a bag with some bricks and throw it in. All that matters is that all that pesky technology is gone.
Step 2 - Research Places To Hide
Before you do anything too rash, you’ll first need to see where you’re going to be hiding for the rest of your days. Since you’ve got rid of all your technology you may have to visit the local library and look through books.
Ideally, you want to be finding a place with a good source of food and water, a liveable environment and that’s far away from any civilization. One place I would suggest is some form of rainforest. The wood is perfect for making your new home, there’s plenty of fresh water and animals to eat, and the trees make the perfect cover so you’re not spotted by evil drones that will report you to Big Tech. Perhaps if you’re a fan of the sun, you can also consider the desert, but be warned that you’ll have to prepare methods of getting water, as it’s rather scarce in a desert. Consider your options and don’t make the decision too hastily, but remember every moment you waste is a moment Big Tech could be catching up to you.
Step 3 - Pack Your Things
Before you set out on your hermitage, you’ll want to prepare some items to take with you. First, you’ll need to think about the essentials. Food and water will be vital for the long journey ahead of you. You’ll also need some appropriate clothes for the climate. Don’t forget though, it’s good to bring some home comforts with you, whether that be your favorite mug or a nice blanket. You should pack light though; too many items will be inconvenient for your journey.
Step 4 - Travelling
Now you’ve got all your stuff together and have decided where you’re going, you’ll need to get there. Don’t forget though that many modern forms of transport have tracking technology and technology that’ll listen in on you, so you’ll have to stick to more traditional methods.
Bikes can be quite useful for land travel, though walking never hurt anyone. For going over water you’ll want to use a rowing boat as a nice low-tech mode of transport, or even just a raft if you’re the patient type. Make sure to check a map before you leave so you can plan which forms of transport you will use.
Step 5 - Surviving in your New Home
Now that you’ve reached where you’ll be living forever, you’ll want to get about surviving in your new area. Pretty quickly you’ll want to set up a shelter so that you don’t get attacked by wild animals and the rain. You’ll also want to scout around for water sources and places you can hunt or harvest food. Once you’ve determined all this you can sit back and enjoy your new life without Stadia listening to you.
Becoming a hermit is rather easy and can lead to a fulfilling lifestyle, one where you aren’t being stalked by Big Tech via Stadia. Though you probably won’t have any means to play Stadia in this new place. Huh. Maybe it’s not worth it?
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